Hogwarts Cello Troubles
by SheepDudeWriting
Summary: When Snape hears music late at night in Hogwarts, he goes to investigate and meets a cellist whose appearance is quite similar to his. The cellist is ill and annoying, inviting several of his friends into the castle and annoying the heck out of him in general. Will Snape be able to get rid of this man before he wakes up the school and gets him ill, or must he face the consequences?


The sound of a cello echoed through the Hogwarts dungeons, causing Severus Snape to stand up quickly in his office. He walked to the door. Grabbing his cloak and crossing his arms at his chest, he looked around demanding, "Who dares play music in the dungeons this late at night?" The music stopped immediately, and Snape walked back to his desk, satisfied by having warded off the stupid musician. However, his satisfaction didn't last long.

When Snape looked up after having sat back down, he saw a tall man with messy light brown hair and a straggly mustache setting down a cello near the door. He was dressed in a long black cloak, jeans, a gray shirt, and black dress shoes. As he turned around, his cloak waved behind him. When he turned, his brown eyes met Snape's black ones as he crossed his own arms, "Do professors always have to act rude to visitors?" He spoke in a voice very similar to Snape's, except it had a hint of congestion and irritability in it. Raising an eyebrow, he gazed down his hooked nose to look at Snape, who was trying to form an answer to the question. The cellist cocked his head to one side, "Thinking the same, I suppose? I wouldn't be surprised." Looking around, he suddenly complained, "And why is it so _cold_ in here? It's cold everywhere in this castle, especially..."

Snape fought the urge to roll his eyes and interrupted, "These are the _dungeons_ , idiot. It's _always_ going to be colder down here."

"Well, at least _some_ heat would be helpful," the man sat down and held up his right hand, slowly blowing on it to warm it. Then he alternated to do the same with the left hand. When he was satisfied, he looked back at Snape and crossed him arms again, "You all must be polar bears if you think it isn't cold around here."

Snape thought of saying, "Or you must clearly have a problem," but thought better of it, instead staying silent but staring coldly back at the man.

"If this is a problem," Jamie snapped, "you should let me turn up the heat instead of staring at me like that."

"And who must you be?" Snape asked calmly.

"Well, you may as well ask me _what_ I am instead of _who_."

This time Snape did roll his eyes, "Well, then. What are you?"

"I'm a ghost," he once again sounded irritated, thinking it was obvious. "Just my luck, _dying of a sore throat_ ," he spat out the last phrase as if it were poisonous. "Now will you please be kind and turn up the temperature? I told you: this place is cold!"

"Now, will _you_ please answer my first question, Mr. Non-Intimidating-Ghost-Who-Plays-The-Cello-And-Won't-Shut-Up-About-The-Temperature?"

"Name's Jamie. Who are you?"

"Professor Severus Snape."

Jamie smiled and grabbed his cello, "Well, Snape, seems you need to learn to have respect for others." He took out the bow and continued playing Bach's "Cello Sonata in G Minor" where he left off.

"Mr. Jammy, whoever you are, I would appreciate if you were to stop playing your cello. It's almost...midnight!"

Jamie stopped again and stood up. He glared into Snape's eyes, his own eyes slowly closing. " _Hih_..." He turned and bent forward slightly, holding his right hand a few inches from his face. " _Huh-ah, huh-ah_..." As his breath hitched, he closed his eyes tighter and reached for his handkerchief before sitting back down, his head pitching forward as he held his handkerchief up to his face, " _UHshh! Huh...IHshoo! IHSHOO!_ " He sneezed violently three times into his handkerchief, and when he was done, he blew his nose gently and looked up at Snape with a sniff.

"Bless you," Snape said.

Jamie ignored the remark, "Well, Snape, I brought a few of the guys with me to this castle, and they thought it was fine. They heard that the students sleep in common rooms and wouldn't be awakened by it."

"Well, Jammy, there are still people like me who do _not_ happen to sleep in common rooms, therefore I would like if you set down your cello and did something else," Snape looked at Jamie coldly.

"Okay, I'll go away, sure." Jamie got up to leave, but Snape stopped him.

"Sit."

"I'm a ghost! Don't treat me like a dog!" Jamie spat, sitting down in the chair, pouting. He quickly cupped his hands and brought them up to his face, sneezing again, " _Huh, EHSHOO!_ " He took his handkerchief out to blow his nose again before saying under his breath, "I think I'm allergic to greasy hair..."

"Merlin's beard, Jammy! You said earlier you died of a sore throat! Clearly, you're ill," Snape whipped out his wand and pointed it at Jamie's throat. Enraged, he continued, "Now tell me. What did you say?"

"Calm down, Snape. Magic doesn't even work on ghosts," Jamie sunk a little in the chair, debating whether or not that was true. He decided he wouldn't take the risk.

"I said, 'What did you say?'" Snape started poking the wand into Jamie's throat. "Tell me... _NOW!_ " He continued in a threatening tone.

"Nothing. You must've been hearing things," Jamie said calmly. He'd aggravated Snape enough. He didn't want to anger him any more than he had already.

"Don't...lie...to me," Snape kept his wand in place. However, to Jamie's relief, his anger was slowly subsiding. "If I hear anything else like that again, I won't hesitate to act. You hear me?"

"Yes. Now can I leave and talk to the guys?" Snape didn't respond, but instead was now so close to Jamie that their hooked noses almost touched. "Snape?"

"Yes, _what?_ "

"Yes, I won't say anything like that again."

"Good," Snape lowered his wand.

"I'll be right back," Jamie said, and he headed out the door down the corridor

Jamie reappeared in the office three minutes later and started introducing Snape to eight of his ghost friends. However, Snape wasn't listening. All he said was "Hello."

"You mind turning up the temperature?" One of the ghosts asked.

"Yeah, it's cold in here. Where's the thermostat?" another said.

"I found it! It's moving!" The third announced, pointing at an owl flying past the window.

"That's an owl, you dunderhead!" Snape face-palmed at the ghost's idiocy. "There is no thermostat!"

All the ghosts (including Jamie) groaned at the news. "Then how are we supposed to stay warm? We'll die from the cold!"

"You're already dead, for Merlin's sake!" Snape snapped. " _What_ did I tell you?" Jamie had reached for his cello and immediately paused when he heard Snape. He backed up and sat patiently on the floor with his legs spread out. "Thank you."

Snape watched as Jamie talked with his ghost friends and sneezed again. They all blessed him, and he sniffed before continuing the conversation. All Snape heard of the conversation was one of the ghosts saying curiously to Jamie, "Snape looks a lot like you."

"His greasy shoulder-length hair says otherwise," a second ghost said.

"Agreed," the third said.

"Yeah, he's gotta wash that for once," the fourth responded.

Snape decided to join in the conversation, whipping out his wand, "Control your friends, Jammy!"

The ghosts stared at the wand in silence. Jamie crossed his legs and watched his friends carefully. He didn't want Snape lashing out at any of them. "Don't talk like that," he said to his friends, breaking the silence.

"Thank you, Jammy," Snape gave a small smile and held up his wand, "Now then, should any of you attempt to insult me again, I will use this against you. Understand?" They all nodded. "Wonderful."

Snape and Jamie watched the ghosts run down the halls, "Enough already!" Snape said with a yawn. It was quarter after midnight, and the ghosts kept him up the whole time. He was dying to go to sleep.

"Just let them do what they want," Jamie had his hands on the back of his head, his feet propped up on the desk, crossed at his ankles. He had been lounging there for the past ten minutes, watching his friends while Snape tried to sleep. "How are you tired?" He wondered.

"How are you _not?_ " Snape yawned again.

Jamie shrugged, "Dunno."

"Can't they leave?"

"Not until I do."

"Can't _you_ leave?" Snape asked hopefully.

"Does it look like I want to at this time?" Jamie looked at Snape. "I haven't been this comfortable in weeks."

"I thought you said it was too cold," Snape propped his feet up as well. "Did you say that or not?"

"Yes, I did, but I'm saying this is the most comfortable I've been in weeks, so I don't want to get up right now."

"If you say so, but I'm not letting you and your 'friends' stay here much longer."

"Alright. I'm..." Jamie paused, and a blank look spread across his face. He rushed a new sentence, "Excuse-me- _heh_ -for-a-second." He quickly took out his handkerchief and held it up to his nose, " _Heh, EHshh! Ihh, IHshh! HEHshoo!_ " He sniffed after the third sneeze and ran a finger under his nose. "I'm perfectly okay with that," he continued.

"Jammy..." Snape began.

"For God's sake, Snape, how many times do I have to tell you? My name is Jamie, not Jammy!" Jamie had his arms crossed at his chest again. His friends had decided to walk around the school for a bit while he stayed with Snape.

"Jamie, you need...to leave," Snape said slowly. "You've been here over an hour. It's too early in the morning for..." His eyes went blank, and his nose twitched, "for..." He reached in his pocket for his own black handkerchief before clutching it to his face, sneezing so loudly that it made Jamie jump, " _Hih...ihh...CHIHHSHH! HAARRRSHH! Sniff!_ " He shook his head, "Well look at that. Now you're getting _me_ sick, Mr. Jamie."

"Well, I'm sorry," Jamie stared at Snape. His voice was slightly sarcastic.

"Just...go, please," Snape said quietly.

Jamie stood up and picked up his cello as he walked to the door, "Well, I hope to see you sometime again, Snape. It was a p-pleasure to...to..." He quickly turned away from Snape and buried his face in his hands, " _IHshoo! Ack...UHshoo! UHshoo!_ " He sniffed wetly, wiped his eyes, and blew his nose before continuing his sentence, "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Goodbye!" Snape shooed Jamie away. He'd stayed way too long to get Snape sick.

Jamie waved goodbye to Snape and walked into the corridor with his cello. Immediately, he continued playing "Cello Sonata in G Minor."

"Jamie!" Snape complained.

Jamie peeked in, a smile on his face, "Sorry!" He turned back and head off to meet his friends at the end of the corridor, his black cloak billowing behind him as Snape watched with relief that the ghost was finally leaving the Wizarding world.


End file.
